Fear

Sometimes we are afraid to move forward in our lives. After break ups, after school is complete, after a career is over; we become terrified. Sometimes we tend to fall back into what was comfortable; reaching out to that ex who, we know good and well, we don’t have any purpose in being with them again; coming home from school and becoming complacent versus continuing on in education or career. It’s hard to go somewhere we’ve never been and to do something we’ve never done. But it’s the only way we will move forward.

I have an ex who I love dearly. We are good friends. He has at times, been a better friend to me than a boyfriend. At times, he has not been either. And I know this through and through. But because I’m single and sometimes become lonely, I question the idea of him back in my life. I wonder if I was too rushed in my decision to end it all. Now deep down, I know the answer. I know he is not what I need in my life. He is not how I desire my boyfriend to treat me. But it’s comfortable and I’m used to him. And that is way easier than going out and meeting new people and going through the whole process of dating and getting to know someone and wasting more time on wrong people. Even though in reality, I would be wasting time going back to him as well.

Letting go of fear is difficult. There will be moments of confusion and loneliness and anxiety. But it’s a requirement if you want to progress in your life. It’s a requirement for me. I have held on to so many things and people and beliefs to where I just need to shed away all the dead skin so I can be renewed. I need to move away from what is holding me back. And what is holding me back is my fear. Fear of moving out of Cali. Fear of moving on to a new relationship. Fear of my kids growing up and being alone. Fear of what I will do once school is complete. Fear of leaving a job I hate. Fear has had a hold on me for so long, but slowly and surely, I see myself breaking through. I finished school. I’m focused on looking for jobs outside of Cali. I’m going out on dates. I’m shedding people who are no longer significant in my life. I’m shedding ideas of what is for ideas of what could be. My life is finally moving forward and while I still get scared, I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I want more in my life than what I am scared of in my life now. The tables have turned.

I will no longer allow fear to enable me.

I will no longer allow myself to be stuck or to feel stuck in my life.

I will live my dreams as fully as I possibly can.

I will allow love into my life as fully as I can.

I will use my fear to strengthen me.

I will use my fear for growth.

Love & Light