Bag Lady No More....

I have been hurt in my past. And when I say hurt, I don’t mean just minor boy/girl problems. I mean really hurt.  I’ve been lied to, cheated on, mislead, verbally emotionally, and physically abused, raped, used, and felt less than dirt. I have had my heart broken more times than should be possible to put back together. But I have never given up on love. I have gotten angry, I have flooded myself with more tears than waters in Hurricane Katrina, I have felt revengeful and hateful and damn near ready to just end it all, but again, I will never give up on love.

It’s not about being bitter from our pasts or allowing our baggage from other relationships ruin our current ones. It’s about acknowledging what we did in those past relationships; learning from them, knowing not to make the same mistakes again, because if we don’t learn from them, they will continue to haunt us in the next relationship, and so on. Every relationship is a lesson. Whether we learn something positive or negative, it is all in the lesson; even if it’s what we will not tolerate in the next relationship. Do not allow your past to define you. Learn from them to make you new.

My last few relationships I believe, changed my life completely. I believe I finally came to the dead end and I had to learn some harsh lessons about myself. I had been making the same mistakes over and over again. I was choosing emotionally unavailable men. I was pursuing men who only wanted to be pursued, but didn’t really want a relationship, didn’t want to get too close to anyone, didn’t know how to love me back. And the more love I poured out, it was either taken advantage of or he was running in the opposite direction, uncomfortable with the love. What’s funny is that while people claimed to be so opposite of others, in reality, they were all the same.

Believe me, I know I have my downfalls, as we all do. I am a Leader. I like to be in control, especially when a man hasn’t shown himself worthy of me letting him lead me. But once a man shows that he is capable and that I can put my trust and faith in him, I have no problem submitting to him and allowing him that position as Leader. I am stubborn and impatient but a man who knows me knows how to manage that as well. I give. And give. And give. And while I do not expect a man to be as giving as I am, I expect a man to cherish me like I do him. I expect him to acknowledge and respect me like I do him. I’m a good ass woman. I am wifey material. Every man I have ever broken up with has always tried to come back at one point in time or another. I am deserving of what I send out, because what I send out to those I love is always the best. Despite my past relationships. Despite all my hurt and pain I have dealt with. I still love with all my heart. It didn’t break me down. It made me stronger. It made me wiser.

I don’t need a man to let me walk all over him. I do need my feelings to matter to him though. I need him to be able to acknowledge them. I don’t need a man to shower me with adoration and put me on a pedestal. I do need him to show me he is proud to be with me and respects me. I don’t need a man to be up under me all the time. But I do need to feel as if I am important in his life. I need his support. I need his guidance. I need his strength. I need his love. Because that’s what I do for my man. And no man I have ever been with can say differently. So why should I expect any less?

Now, I don’t put up “Warning” signs for what I don’t want. Now I look for what I do want. Focusing on what I need versus what I don’t need because the last time I focused on the negative, that’s exactly what I got, just not as blatant as the last. This love thing is hard. It’s frustrating and depressing and includes many hours of tears and many lonely nites. But becoming bitter only makes it even harder.

Take a deep breath. Shed your tears. Patch up your heart, remembering who, what, and why. Acknowledge your shortcomings. Acknowledge their shortcomings compared to what you NEED in your relationships. Let go and move forward. The sooner you recognize that person isn’t the one, the less heartache you will have. But always remember:

Selfishness and love do not go hand in hand.

Without compassion, there is no love.

Your heart and your spirit should coincide. If they don’t, RUN.

No relationship works when just one person is holding it together.

Honesty, Compromise and Communication.

Love & Light