My Struggle.

I do not know what to do with this man. 

I do not know how to love him anymore and I do not know how to walk away from him. 

I do not know how to separate all these feelings and just be when all I want is to be with him. 

I do not know how to shield my heart now that it’s wrapped around his finger. His soul. 

His dick. 

I do not know how to be around him and not feel him.

I do not know how to be around him and not feel him. 

He touches me with his breath, penetrates me with his smile; makes me cum with his look.

I do not know how to block the connection we share; the ease and comfort of being in each other’s presence. 

I do not know how to remove the smile he brings, the peace he brings, the orgasm he brings. 

I do not know how to love him from afar when I want him near me so often. 

I do not know how to ignore that he is my perfect balance. 

The yang to my yin. 

The water to my fire. 

The calm to my storm. 

I do not know how to remove myself from his life; how to eliminate one of the few people who nourish me, replenish me and fulfill me—mind, body and spirit. I do not know how to disregard the signs or be blind to answered prayers, meditations and manifestations. 

We have purpose in each other’s lives. 

I do not know how to unlearn that.

I do not know how to be without this man. 

And I do not want to. 

But do I have a choice?