My Heart Is In It.

I am so tired of my heart aching for you. Tired of feeling this tightening in my chest where the pulse keeps me alive. Tired of wanting to be a part of your life that you actually allow to be a part of your life. I am so tired of my body only craving yours; only moving in tempo to your stroke. Tired of needing to feed off of your energy to keep my own flowing. Tired of being stuck on your rotation and tired of not being tired enough to get off your rotation. I am so tired of loving what doesn’t love me back and doesn’t want my love. Tired of my mind going to you when I want to smile. Tired of my mind going to you and tears fall from my eyes. Tired of my mouth missing your penis; my tongue missing the honeyed taste of your dark roasted skin. I am so tired of wanting to be fucked by you; wanting to release all my frustrations through orgasm via you. Tired of my thoughts going to you; my muse. Tired of wanting both worlds—friendship and lover. Tired of my dreams involving you; my wants and my goals involving you. I am so tired of feeling my best when I’m around you and I’m so tired of feeling my worse when I’m around you. I am tired of missing you. Tired of not being able to separate my heart and body like you; but not wanting to hide behind walls like you. I am so tired of wanting what I can’t have and only having a piece of what I really want and holding on to that piece like it’s the final hit of my last joint because it makes me feel like the first hit. I am tired of trying to let go of what I don’t want to let go of but would rather have you hold on to me. I am tired of hoping you will hold on to me.

I am tired. But yet...