My Heart on Sabbatical....

A friend made a comment tonite that got me thinking… Sometimes I wish my heart were on more of a sabbatical than my yoni.

I know that will never happen, because I honestly do enjoy loving. But every now and then, I wish I my heart could just go numb and act like those men…. And women…. Who can get their jollies rocked off by anyone and everyone, get up, and walk away with not a care in the world. Sometimes I wish I could have sex without wanting the connection; without feeling the need to be held after, without going through all the drama, heartache and extra bullshit that goes along with falling in love. Shoot, sometimes you don’t even have to be in love. Sometimes it just comes along with the territory of a man.

But I always wonder if those people who are living like that are actually fulfilled. I wonder if they are able to ‘sex’ so easily, are they really seeking something more… or if they are running away from something more. I wonder if they are actually expressing themselves sexually or expecting to receive love in return for all the people they lay down. I’m sure it varies from person to person.

Now mind you, my yoni is pretty much on sabbatical right now anyway. Because in reality, I do want more. I don’t want the one nite stand. I don’t want the booty call. I don’t want the, “wam, bam, thank you ma’am” or the “toot it and boot it.” I need the connection. I need the intimacy. I need the passion and the desire and the love. I’m deserving of all that right now. Even if the sabbatical lasts a little longer than I am hoping for. I’d rather stay on sabbatical than just give up the yoni to feel the same way afterwards. I’d rather hold on to my needs than jump for instant gratification. I’ve learned too many times, that instant gratification isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s like placing a Band-Aid over a wound that needs stitches. It only makes you feel better for a moment.

I think my heart has just been through so much lately, it needs a sabbatical. It needs to rest up, heal up, and open up for the right person to come into my life. So instead of seeking something for the moment, I will prepare myself for something amazing! I will hold on to my heart and stop giving it away to people who only want it for the moment or for a nite. I will nurture my heart. I will renew my heart. I will make my heart whole again. Because once my heart is off sabbatical, I will be ready for my soul mate.

And then, the yoni will follow….

Sweet Dreams