Stop Wasting Time...

Sometimes I wonder if relationships not only really work… but if they can actually last the long haul. I wonder if there are many that don’t end up miserable, broken up, cheating, lying, dysfunctional and in a dead end. I have been in relationships that ended for all these reasons and then some. And it’s not till recently, I’ve realized that the relationships I have been in, were always one-sided. Either that person wanted me more than I wanted him, or I wanted that person more than he wanted me. There were rarely mutual loves. And that is what makes or breaks relationships. Mutual love.

I have always followed the belief that you treat someone the same way you want to be treated. So, in my relationships, I have constantly tried to give my all, 100%, to make things work and to make him happy. But a lot of times, I didn’t get that back. There was compromise when instead of watching the love story film, we watched an action packed film because it’s what he wanted. There was compromise when I backed out on what I really felt was right because he said it was wrong. There was compromise when I would go out of my way for his happiness. And not to say that I never received it back from any of my relationships, but more than usual, it was after a lot of begging and pleading.

Why should I have to beg my man to come to the hospital after being admitted through the Emergency Room? Why should I beg for a b-day gift or private time or intimacy or honesty? If that is what I am giving out, what happened to the saying that I will get it back?

We know when we aren’t getting back what we give out. We know when someone doesn’t feel the same for us that we feel for them of vice versa. So instead of holding on to it, expecting for it to change, evolve, become something different, we need to stop wasting time and let go. Maybe one day, they will change. Maybe one day, they will be who we wanted them to be or love us the way we wanted them to, and maybe when that day comes, we will still be available… but women usually sit around hoping and wishing and praying and expecting for so long, by the time we finally do walk away, we’re so disgusted with ourselves and so embarrassed by what we’ve put up with, it makes it hard to start over with someone who is actually worthwhile.

If you are putting out 100% in your relationship, then you should be able to get back 100% from someone who has mutual love for you. Of course, in all relationships, there are times when one will give more than the other, but that should not be the case all the time. We pick up the slack when someone is in need. We lift the other up when someone needs a hand. That is what mutual love is all about. This one-sided, selfish love is for those who are content being with someone without necessarily being with them. Just having that title without any real connection.

Don’t waste your time with one-sided love. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve. I talk to myself as I share this, because I’ve done it so many times, because I was afraid to be alone or because I was hoping for the best or because I really just loved the person. But in reality, I didn’t love myself enough to let go and find someone who could love me wholeheartedly as I loved them. And that is my goal now. Well, not to go in search of but to wait for it to come to me. Because when we go in search of, a lot of times, it will not turn out the way we want it to. Women should not be courting the man. A friend of mine once told me, “When women go chasing after the man, running him down to catch him, that man will never be a real man. He will be a pu**y.”

Let a man come after you. Let him want you. Let him be the man you are looking for and in need of. And don’t settle for the boy who just wastes your time.  And then, a mutual love will be easier to grow, nourish, and last.

“Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recover.”

Blessings To you My Loves