Letting Go of Expectations

It’s been a minute since I’ve been on my blog and I apologize. I felt as if I was running out of topics to write on, so I asked a girlfriend of mine what I should share with my readers and she suggested I talk about expectations in relationships, because I always seem to have a problem with this.

In most of the relationships I have been in…. ok, I won’t lie… all of the relationships I have been in, I have always had expectations from the men. Nothing extremely major, but the basics; daily phone calls, a birthday, Christmas and Valentine’s Day gift, honesty, etc. I don’t necessarily feel as if I expect a lot from a boyfriend, definitely not as much as I’ve seen other women expect from their men, but yet and still, the idea of expectations has always caused a problem.

Now that I am single and dating here and there, I am STRUGGLING with the idea of having no expectations. Number one, I can’t expect anything from someone I’m just dating because there are no rules and regulations in that type of situation. So if they don’t call back, if they don’t respond to a text, if they can’t make it out on a date, I can’t do anything but suck it up and move on and that is extremely hard for me. Maybe it’s me being a little spoiled, maybe it’s insecurity, maybe it’s just me wanting to see that person. Whatever it may be, it is a daily battle to not place my expectations on anyone else.

What someone chooses to do should not wreck my mood, change my plans, or affect my life in any way whatsoever. Remembering that during the moment is my challenge. Of course my feelings may be hurt and that is ok. But in reality, their choices have nothing to do with my feelings. It should not create paranoia and it should not create misery or distress.

When we expect someone to act the way we want him or her to act, we are digging a hole for ourselves in the long run. What needs to take place is a decision. If we don’t like what is taking place, we have a choice to deal with it and accept it or walk away from it and move on. So he doesn’t call me every day, but does he make me feel good when he does come around? And does he come around enough that I am satisfied or do I need to find other ways to keep myself busy… or other people to keep me busy…or is it really not that serious because I enjoy him when he is around? Because in the long run, he is going to do what he wants to do, just as I would with someone else. Why be concerned with what I think he should be doing versus what he is doing? It’s like the battle of liking someone for what they claim to be versus what they really are. Stop creating illusions and fantasies and stick with reality and decide from there whether it’s a reality you can accept or not.

I have always had the problem of putting too many people on pedestals, placing their needs, wants and desires before mine so their expectations were usually fulfilled. I was the one who was always getting hurt. I was the one constantly feeling let down because I expected them to do for me what I was doing for them. And in a perfect world, that would happen. In my dreams, that would happen. But in reality, an expectation is almost like a wish, and most wishes do not come true.

I’m working hard on going with the flow. I am focusing on letting go of expectations from people (particularly men) and enjoying the moment or admitting to it being a waste of time and letting it go. My expectations will only cause me to expect failure when what I really want is for the relationship to succeed.

Let go of those expectations and focus on the reality. Create what you need.

Peace & Blessings