Rejection.....

I’m afraid of rejection. There! I said it! It finally hit me today as I thought about the last few relationships I have been in or the people I have wanted to be in my life.

I have consistently chosen people who have no major interest in having a relationship that ends in a serious commitment.  I have chosen bachelors for life, open relators and men not looking for something serious when in the long run, what I want is a committed relationship. And now, with someone I really do enjoy in every possible way, I see myself shying away from intimacy. Why am I running from what I want? Because I’m afraid that may not be what he wants. Because I’m afraid that someone may reject me whom I really do like a lot. What’s interesting is that, I don’t recall ever trying to run in the opposite direction of intimacy so why now? Why would I be afraid of it now?

There is a quote in a movie I like where she states, “I’m a magnet for unavailable men.” It was how I felt for a long while, when in actuality, I’m creating the environment myself for these unavailable men to come to me. I’m choosing them because I’m afraid to state what it is I really want, knowing good and well these men are unavailable and/or non-committing.

Maybe I’ve lost so many people in my life that I thought would be around forever, I don’t want to feel the loss of another person. Maybe I am tired of being disappointed, which goes back to my previous post. I don’t see myself as being one who has a problem stating how I feel or stating what I want, but I also believe there is a time and a place for everything. Maybe I need to continue just enjoying the moments that I create with someone and know that at any time, that moment may end, but the memories will always be there. I honestly don’t know.

I do not want to be afraid of rejection because I may lose out on someone who wants what I want and needs what I need.  If I never speak up or give it a chance or put my all into it, I will never know.  I do not want to be afraid of rejection because one failed relationship should not stop me from knowing that a good relationship will come. One man who doesn’t want something real does not mean that all men don’t want something real.  I do not want to be afraid of rejection because fear keeps me from moving forward; from reaching higher. I do not want to be afraid of rejection because that will eventually cause me to lower my standards in what I do want. I do not want to be afraid of rejection because it just doesn’t resonate with me anymore. Because I have too much love inside of me and I want to share it and spread it and show it with anyone I may care deeply for.

Rejection is part of life. We have to accept that it happens and it will always happen and move on. From now on, I will not shy away from intimacy. I’ve wanted it for so long, I will embrace it and thrive from it and extract all the pleasure and happiness I can get from it. The only thing I will reject is my fear.

Hugs and Kisses Beautiful Ones!