Freedom

“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first.” ― Jim Morrison

I’ve always been more like the “Black Sheep” of my family; the one who kinda strayed away from the norm of what my family expected. I got into a little trouble in school, got pregnant early, didn’t get a higher degree than a BA (not yet anyway), cut my hair all off, colored it blonde, dressed differently, drank, smoked. Everything has been and will probably always be a constant battle between me and my family.

While I know my family wishes I would have listened to their counsel more often or wishes I had followed down the patch of church, education and medicine, I chose to take the longer difficult road and create my own path. I’ve had to make some U-turns and I’ve gotten stuck in many dead end roads, but I’m still searching trying to find my way.

People search for their freedom in so many different ways. They go against the norm, they create their own rules and guidelines to follow, they decide that whatever they want, they will get, no matter what they have to do. It’s crazy because I tried so long to get away and have freedom from my family growing up, and then I jumped into a marriage where once again, I had no freedom whatsoever, barely allowed to leave the house or else it would create a fight.

For the first time, in a long time, I have freedom. Yes, my family will still speak on things I say and do, but they love me, no matter which way I go and they know I don’t tread too far away. I speak my mind, I rock my bald head, I talk about sex. Darnit, I have sex and talk about it. But I don’t have to go to the extreme. I don’t have to screw around with multiple men to feel free. I don’t have to follow someone else’s rules on love and life to feel free. I don’t have to hurt other people or step on other people to feel free. I don’t have to do anything to build up my ego to feel free.

For me, freedom comes from being able to speak my mind without holding my tongue. It comes from being able to give love and receive love from anyone I choose to do so with. It comes from knowing how to hold my head high and standing up for what I believe and what is RIGHT, when everyone else walks a different path. Freedom is not following the crowd. Freedom is following my heart. Following my spirit. Freedom is walking away when there’s no reason to stay and holding on when my heart tells me to try again.

I love my freedom. I love being able to finally wake up and say, “This is my life and I’m going to live it the way I choose to live it.” I know everyone has their own definition of freedom, but when you have to hurt other people or stampede over people’s hearts and lives to fulfill it, that’s not freedom. That’s selfishness.

Freedom is a right. Strive for it.

Love & Light