Let it Go

Let it go! Let it go! Let it go! I know I had a similar blog, titled, “Let it Flow”, but I had to talk about this again. I keep telling myself to let it go, but sometimes, it’s so damn hard. This is why they talk about women, pushing good men away. This is why they talk about women not knowing what to do when someone decent is in their lives.

I have always had a hard time letting go and letting it flow. I have always had a hard time of creating my own expectations of what someone expects from me. I have always had a hard time with feeling scared, nervous and paranoid over the most ridiculous things. I have always expected the worse, because I had the worse for so long. I have always expected for things to fall apart. I have always expected a man to leave. 

As I think back over my relationships, I see so many different patterns. I see how I in the beginning of my dating life, I watched men leave for one reason or another… whether it was me not having sex yet or getting pregnant, or having a child, men left. Then, I must’ve switched up the script somewhere, because then I saw myself leaving relationships first, whether it was because I was scared and wanted to do first, I don’t know. But it happened. I would walk away before I got too attached.

Then I began a new pattern of just pushing the guy away. Giving reasons or excuses to push him to the edge; to see if he would run or stay. Of course it was wrong to do, but it worked. I sabotaged my relationships. And I paid the price for it in the end.

So now, I see myself trying to create this new pattern. As a single female for the first time in years (and for the past year or so), I am learning to date and let it flow. But still, it is such a challenge. I love this whole new thought process of speaking honesty and getting back honesty. I love this whole new idea of no expectations from anyone. Enjoy the moment. Bask in the moment and keep it moving. I love living and not focusing on what if’s, what could be’s, and what aren’ts…. I catch myself at times. I catch myself a lot of times. But I’m cognizant of it and I am working every day to improve my ability to live and love as openly and freely as I possibly can.

Let it go. Let your worries and paranoia and concerns and bitterness about love go. Let your past go. Let your questions about his past go. Let him show you who he is by his actions. Let him show you who he is by his honesty. You don’t have to look for that. It will shine through. Be free to love without expecting him to do right. Or wrong. Be free to enjoy that moment of pleasure without worrying about when the next moment will be. Be free to give yourself. Give your all.

If you block yourself, you will block all that you want in your life. Let it go.

Peace & Blessings