To Be Real... Or Not To Be....

While I sit at home today with my blood pressure around 150/102 and my head pounding from my hairline all the way down to my jaw, I wonder what it is in my life that is causing me so much pain or stress or anxiety to make me this sick.  I allow too many people to create my life.  I allow too many people to change my emotions and bring my energy down and therefore, it’s tearing me down.

So outside of hanging out and having a couple drinks the night before, yesterday, I saw bullshit on FB. Found out information I felt, should have been given to me personally. Then I saw blatant lies for no reason whatsoever but to impress and build egos. That’s so hilarious to me sometimes, because I want to say, “Ummm…. Do you know there are people who really know you on here? Who know that shit isn’t real?? Why are you frontin’?” Lastly, I talked to a friend who was going through his own heartache and turmoil and really having a hard time with his life. And I, for some reason, took all of that energy, threw it all on top of me and created stroke level blood pressure numbers. Nice!

What’s crazy is that I didn’t even think the stuff on FB really got to me. People are going to do what they want to do and eventually, all their lies and stories will get found out. Karma is a bitch.  I’ll let her deal with that.  My heart wasn’t as heavy as I expected it to be. My spirits weren’t down.  People show you who they are. Unfortunately, for me, I keep expecting a change.  

I read somewhere yesterday that Compassion is the highest level of Love. The more people I talk to or relate with, I’m learning that compassion is not a major factor in people’s lives anymore. Compassion is becoming obsolete while the world is more focused on self-indulgence, self-love, and any other self-centered word. So while so many are using those three beautiful words, “I Love You”, they have in actuality become meaningless and are not even remembered as soon as they leave a mouth or get typed on a keyboard.  I was told not too long ago that my feelings were “burdensome” to someone who claims to care about me. Where is the compassion in that?

I can only be accountable for my feelings. I can only be accountable for what I do in my life and I cannot take on the weight of the world, no matter how much I wish the world were different. So if I am being my authentic self, which is honest and loving and you are being your authentic self, which is self-centered (because everyone’s authentic self is not pure), we are still not in alignment. There will always an imbalance.  

The more I create my own world with positivity, honesty and love, the less I will feel bothered by the bullshit that surrounds me.  The more I free myself of my feelings and release some of those feelings, I allow myself to cleanse. I can’t make people change. I can’t make people love. I can’t make people honest.

I can only do me. And maybe... just maybe… if I do me, those around me will see it….and then feel it. 

Blessings