Day 5 Off of Facebook..... Seeing the Light....
Day 5 off of Facebook…..
So tonight I cheated a little bit. I went on FB for about
five minutes and saw enough bs to make me not want to go back any time
soon. I am upset at myself for even
going on and before I go back, I have to make sure certain people are deleted
off of my page. Folks will always try to act like everything is grand and great
when in reality, shit is f***ed up, and it makes me laugh at the stupidity of
it all.
After my last post the other day, I realized, while everyone
does show love in different ways…. When they can actually show love… I can’t
expect someone to show it the way I want it…. And if they can’t give me the
inkling that they love me, then they obviously aren’t the right people to be
with right? I can only control myself. I can’t control anyone else in any way
whatsoever. And while one may be stating their love, another person can state
and show it and I can feel it.
So the way I want to be loved is not the way I have been
receiving it and I have to let go of the bullshit love or whatever it is called
to be able to receive what I need and what I want. I’m always so busy trying to
accept everyone else’s ways and constantly compromising what I want when what I
have to do is let go of the thought process of other people and let go of their
warped mentality and stop giving in to what others want and what others say is
right. Even doing that, I still don’t get what I am deserving. How can others
say it’s right when it’s not even working for them? I am deserving of more than
a fling. I am deserving of more than a man who shows up every now and then and
who only shows love every now and then. And as I see more and more people who
are willing to have moments here and there without something long lasting and
life-fulfilling, then I learn more and more that some people are just deserving
of each other and I am deserving of more.
A dear friend told me, “I deserve love. Not pain.” And while
getting rid of the pain can be challenging, it is worth the love that will come
in return.
I’m not angry or bitter in any way whatsoever. Hurt? Yes.
Tired? Definitely. But it’s all in the making of a better me. Healing in
Progress.
Sorry, it’s not a long one tonite. I will make tomorrow’s
better.
Pouring Wine and Sending Love
"I am deserving of more than a man who shows up every now and then and who only shows love every now and then."
ReplyDeleteThis is a true statement! You are deserving but you must ask yourself what it is about you that a man would only want to be around every now and then. Not saying anything is wrong with you but maybe the choices of men you choose that are not willing to see past your imperfections to who you really are. Maybe they are getting from you what they want so easily that they need not hang around.
You are an open book for everyone to read but since everyone has seen the movie they don't take the time to go through the book to get the details. A good book-you get intimate with, cozy up to and take your time to know the characters. A movie gives you the snapshots of the book and you are done in under 2 hours. You are dealing with dudes that have seen your movie not necessarily through but through tons of women like you that have the same storyline. We know how that movie ends and it usually ends with people walking out entertained but not getting to know the character. You need to stop letting people make withdrawals without making deposits. A man pours into your life, encourages, and builds you up. Love is a choice not a feeling.
"I am deserving of more than a man who shows up every now and then and who only shows love every now and then."
THIS IS A TRUE STATMENT! You are deserving! Act like it!
Robert, I feel you... I'm moreso talking about the somewhat of a situation I have been dealing with as of late.... And that is all that was available from him. But you are exactly right. I love your statement, "You need to stop letting people make withdrawals without making deposits. A man pours into your life, encourages, and builds you up." And that is what I am needing in a man... Thank you Robert. <3
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